So I realize that I am almost halfway through my 30's and now I decide to make a blog about my journey through this amazing phase of my life. A lot has been happening for me and I always tell myself that I should keep track of things, or log my thoughts, but unfortunately I haven't. So I'm going to insert things from memory in here from time to time. Hopefully my recollections will be somewhat accurate, even if just for me. I'm not really quite sure who would be curious to read about a 34 year old mother of 3 who has finally found herself again. So by that statement you can assume that I have been lost and I most definitely have. It's sad to say that even some years seem like a foggy haze to me.  But this has been a year of transformation for me in every aspect of my being. I am feeling stronger than I ever have. I feel a sense of hope that had been taken from me a few years back. I see a new sense of purpose in my life. I see things a bit more clearly and am actually wanting to take things for myself. I have finally realized that if I don't worry about myself and take care of me, no one else is going to. Life changed for me in a moment about 5 years ago and I guess I've been waiting for things to get fixed just as quickly.  But reality has hit and I found out that it is going to take a lot of hard work and determination to set things back to the way they were and now I know I don't want to just settle for that. I want to exceed all my expectations. I grew up with the mentality that I would always remain just living life day to day, rather than enjoying a fulfilling life. My family had a frame of mind that we could only be middle class and no more. Even that was with the price of working your butt off day to day, most likely not enjoying what it is that you do. Not for me. I have done enough in my short 34 years already to realize that I don't want to do that anymore. Now that is not to say that I don't believe in hard work, because I most definitely believe no one should waste their life away slacking. I do believe that I should be applying my efforts into an area of my life that are fulfilling and that I will gain from. I should be doing the things that I am passionate about. Because with that passion comes quality. When you are stuck in the monotony of a dead end job, you really don't give it your full potential. You just punch a time clock, do your job, waste the precious time that you could be applying somewhere else, and punch out to go home hating your day. What kind of example is that to be setting for the next generation. I want to see people going for their dreams and doing it with integrity and passion that can not be rivaled. To see people feeling satisfied in what they are contributing to this world. Maybe someone is passionate about taking care of customers and running a deli, but I can assure you I am not that person. I am absolutely great at it, but I don't think this is where I should be wasting my time and the energy I could be applying somewhere else. My passion is and has always been kids. It's something that is in me and has always been in me from an early age. I want to help kids feel their best and believe in themselves. I don't want them to be overlooked or neglected. I want them to be enabled and taught that they are valuable. They are our future, let's face it. The way I see people raising their kids leaves me no hope that we are building a better future. We enable kids too easily, we reward them for mediocrity instead of instilling in them the value of working hard to succeed. We shut them up with tv or food, rather than our time and attention. We just don't know how to enjoy them. But this is why there are people like me. I enjoy the honest, innocent little minds of kids and could fill my days with molding confident, strong little people. I want to work with them and give them a safe outlet and train them and build them. Even if that is just training them in a gym, that is still a segment of who they are that someone cared enough about to push them to their full potential. I know that kids need and thrive from encouragement. Not giving them awards for doing something half ass. I have the unique ability to see them as unique little individuals who just want to be heard and appreciated for their own special traits. I cannot tell you how excited I am about the thought of working with kids in a crossfit gym setting. To get just a bit of their day to show them who it is they can be. Because through crossfit, I have found myself again. I found the Mandy who is strong and competitive and works her hardest just to have a sense of accomplishment. I'm not saying that crossfit is the answer to all kids' problems. But having an opportunity to have a place of my own to welcome kids in and show and guide them, I know that it will help. Even if I can only change one kid, that is enough for me. To see and hear the excitement in my own kids' voices on the idea of me doing this, just reinforces the fact that I know this is what I should be doing. My kids even see that special part of me that reaches kids. Kids just find me and want to be a part of what me and my own kids are doing. Kids sense when someone is genuine and sincere. They need people to just care, and not just herd them like cattle. We need to get to know them each individually and show them how their uniqueness can be an advantage in life to set them apart.